A happy medium?

So I’ve been home for about six weeks and my life as a stay at home mom has evolved significantly since I started out. I remember when I was working, if I found myself with ONE day at home I would get soooo excited and immediately start making lists in my head (or on my phone) of all of the long overdue projects that needed to be completed that day. Sometimes it would be as simple as 1. Dishes 2. Laundry. If I was particularly on top of my game, I might tackle reorganizing the pile of shoes in my closet, or cleaning out the garage.

Well you can imagine my list(s) when I found out I’d have an extended amount of time at home. Visions of a perfectly organized closet, garage, and a pristine house that never had dirty clothes or dishes in it danced merrily in my head. In fact, I didn’t even need to make the lists, because I knew it would all get done, and if it didn’t, I still had the next day to get it done, or the next day, and so on.

But that’s exactly what the problem is. There is absolutely no urgency around my projects. So little in fact that they haven’t even been listed. If I’m honest, my approach to each day at home has changed significantly since the beginning of January. For example, I had a stunning start out of the gate…I’d get up before Avery, shower, sometimes even exercise, and Brian came home every day to a perfectly clean house, dinner, and some sort of amazing pronouncement like “I emptied, cleaned, reshelved, repainted and reorganized the pantry alphabetically and by expiration date today.” Every night when I turned off the lights and headed upstairs, the toys were neatly packed and tucked behind the couch so I couldn’t see them when I walked downstairs. The dishes were clean and put away. Brian’s lunch was ready to go in the fridge. Even the coffee was set to brew at 6:45 sharp the next morning for another perfectly productive day as a domestic diva.

[Yes, if you're wondering, I have mild OCD.]

And as time passed some interesting things happened. I mean, you adjust to some of the changes of staying at home pretty quickly, like deciding what to wear (or if you should change out of pajamas at all) when the only people who will see you are yourself and your 16 month old, or gradually paring down your get ready routine, and getting used to the sight of yourself without makeup on.

But these changes are a little different. The toys? After putting them away and pulling them back out 46 times I realized that may not be the most productive use of my time. And the kitchen? Well I obsess over having it immaculately clean, but it only stays that way for a half hour, so what’s the use in that? And as for the projects…well I have cleaned out the shoes in my closet but the bag that needs to go to goodwill is still sitting in my hall.

No, clearly these behaviors were not effective. I had to find a better way to use my time at home. Don’t get me wrong, I’m still getting the important stuff done, but what about all those other little carveouts of time? Like when Avery sleeps an extra half hour and I have a peaceful house all to myself with no pressing to-do’s on my list?

I haven’t really figured out what the best uses of my time are, but what I can tell you is this: Yesterday, I sat down and watched 20 straight minutes of Dr. Oz. In the middle of the day. It was glorious. He was talking about bioterrorism. I got so freaked out I made a list of emergency items to keep in the house and told Brian that we needed to designate an emergency meeting place in case we encountered a disaster (to which he responded, wryly, “ok I have the perfect place…home”). Oh, and this morning, I woke up to the sound of Avery banging on her crib and singing (not screaming, singing) “mama,” walked to her room in my robe, went downstairs and sipped coffee, watched the Today show and played for the first hour of my day. 

Yes, I realize I’m swinging from one extreme to another, and I’m really not sure where I’m going to land on this issue, but I do know this much. This morning at 7:30 while I was sitting on the floor sipping coffee, Avery gave me a huge bear hug, rested her head on my shoulder, patted my back and said “Mama” over and over. I will never, ever forget that moment. As for my messy garage…well it will still be there tomorrow.