Planting Seeds

Today, being Mother’s Day and all, I had the afternoon open to do whatever my heart desired. Today, my heart desired to buy lots of flowers and plant them with Avery after her nap. Being the thrifty (read: cheap) woman I am, I decided that instead of buying the $20-30 big pots of petunias to fill the urns on our porch, I’d buy the flats for about half the price and just put them together myself. Besides, it would be a fun first planting activity for Avery and I. What three-year old doesn’t love digging in the dirt a few extra minutes?

Well it took more than a few extra minutes to fill the urns with tiny petunias, but I enjoyed the time outside in the sunshine making a ginormous mess with my girl…and her adorable new child-sized gardening gloves. We smelled flowers, got very muddy, and somewhere in the middle of it, Avery said something that stopped me in my tracks. See, I was struggling to figure out the best way to turn those little 4 packs into a neat, even, round mound of blooms (like the $30 ones), so I spent the first 15 minutes giving Avery manageable tasks, like “Ok Ave, go get another scoop of soil and pour it right here,” or “Ave, can you hand me another flower,” but I was doing all the actual planting. At this particular moment, however, I watched Avery dig a small hole in the pot, put a flower in, and pack dirt around it…all with absolutely no instruction from me.

Somewhat shocked, I immediately responded with “Ave, you did an awesome job planting that flower, how did you do that?!” And with the honesty and innocence of a child, she looked me right in the eyes and said “I’ve been watching you do it, Mom.”

This morning, Kyle shared a great message on Colossians 3…it kinda stopped me in my tracks too. It wasn’t that I’d never heard that passage before…rid yourself of anger, rage, malice, slander, filthy language, lying…and put on your new self…compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, patience and forgiveness. It was the context we were discussing them in…the home. I was hit over the head with the realization that I am least likely to work hard at putting on those traits in my home than anywhere else. I wouldn’t be caught dead with co-workers or friends displaying anger or rage, but then I think of the daily grind…the ordinary moments that make up the majority of my life. The busy mornings filled with breakfast, baths, and rushing out the door, the evenings cooking and cleaning up dinner, the countless naptimes and the bedtimes. And I have a hard time using the words humility, gentleness, and patience to describe myself. I’m not saying I’m constantly malicious at home! But I will confess that the moments I am least humble, least gentle, least patient; they are with the people I love the most.

Kyle made a great point…if we don’t put this “new self” on regularly in our homes, when the world isn’t watching, how can we expect to have the ability to respond to the tense and unexpected situations of life with patience, humility, or forgiveness? 

Maybe it’s because it was Mother’s Day, or because I’ve got my growing family on the brain (and in the belly!), but all I could think about was my response in the home. And although I couldn’t quite enunciate them yet, I was thinking about those words that Avery later spoke to me…”I’ve been watching you do it, Mom.”

Why is it that I can show more patience to a stranger than my own daughter or my husband? Why don’t I use my energy showing compassion, kindness and gentleness to those I live with, instead of extending it generously to my friends and colleagues, and then coming home with an empty tank? Not just because my family is more important, or because I love them more (both of which are true)…but because in those ordinary, seemingly insignificant moments of life, when it seems like no one’s watching or like it doesn’t matter how I respond, little eyes and ears are taking in every word, every move, every reaction.

I think sometimes as parents we let ourselves think that our insightful lessons and lectures are the things our kids retain, but nothing speaks louder than what they observe in us every day. What do I want to model for this young mind?

“Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters.” Colossians 3:23

I want her to see a woman with a consistent spirit. Who works hard to be humble and obedient whether I’m in front of a hundred people…or two. Who models forgiveness even when it’s not fair. Whose patience is rooted in a divine contentment. I want her to see it every day…so when it comes time for her to react to a difficult situation her mind will turn immediately to what she is used to seeing from her Mom and her Dad, who she’s been spending all those ordinary moments with.

And somehow, when I compare that 8 hour workday with the seemingly insignificant breakfasts, get-dressed’s, dinners and bedtimes, the ordinary becomes much more than that. It becomes truly extraordinary; the most important part of my day. Suddenly, when I realize that my daughter’s eyes are taking in every move I make, we’re not just spending a Sunday afternoon planting flowers. We’re planting seeds.

Stand Up

I don’t think it will take much of a stretch of anyone’s imagination to learn that I fill a lot of my driving hours during the day (and there are a lot of them) blasting music…and periodically also singing at the top of my lungs. I listen to just about everything and there are a few things that I listen to over and over…and over and over. One such song is Stand Up by Sugarland. I’ve had the Incredible Machine album for at least a year, and listened to that song at least a hundred times, so I sort of surprised myself today when all of a sudden hearing it made my eyes well up with tears. It didn’t take long for me to realize why.

Earlier today I got to talk to one of my favorite people in the world, who I am blessed to call one of my best friends, Kelly. Kelly is leaving on Friday to take a trip that I’m sure will change her life and will most likely change the lives of many others. She is traveling to Southeast Asia with Love146 to get a closer look at their efforts in the abolition of child sex slavery. If you have never heard of or engaged with this organization, I highly encourage you to change that right now.

“All the lonely people crying. It could change if we just get started. Lift the darkness, light a fire. For the silent and the brokenhearted.”

Now Love146 is a tremendous organization doing tremendous work, but I am not writing about them right now. I’m writing about Kelly. In talks over the last year or so (and arguably over the last 20 years or so), conversations with Kelly have made it apparent that she felt this…stirring inside her. She wanted to something, but didn’t know what. She is a passionate Christ follower who just wanted to live out her faith and was not satisfied; not feeling like she was doing all she could be doing in her corner of the world. I know a lot of us have thoughts and feelings like this, but for me, they’re urges…whims. They come, and they pass. And to be clear, I think that for a lot of us, we are truly fulfilling our purpose by doing the things we do everyday…raising and providing for our families, learning to live and serve in our communities.

Kelly was doing all that too. But the stirring inside her didn’t come and go. It came and stayed. So Kelly took a step.

“Won’t you stand up, stand up, stand up. Won’t you stand up, you girls and boys. Won’t you stand up, stand up, stand up. Won’t you stand up and use your voice.”

She prayed a lot. She read a lot. She talked to a lot of people, and she started researching a lot of organizations. She started looking for opportunities to actually GO out into the world and start doing something. Long story short, she ended up completely heartbroken for the victims of human slavery and exploitation. And she refused to not do anything about it!

I’m sure the thought crossed her mind…what on earth is a mom with two young kids living in central Florida supposed to do to help in the efforts to abolish this atrocity that happens around the world? A great argument could be made against her ability to do very much at all. But she did two very significant things: Stand up. And use her voice.

“There’s a comfort, there’s a Healer. High above the pain and sorrow. Change is coming, can you feel it? Calling us into a new tomorrow.”

Kelly began to investigate the opportunities Love146 has to engage communities throughout the world with the work they do around the world. And through a pretty fantastic series of events, she was given the opportunity to travel with a very small group to see firsthand some of the communities impacted by Love146, and their work. It was a tremendous opportunity…and off the top of her head Kelly probably could think of about a hundred reasons why it just wasn’t feasible. Like her family, her two children under the age of 5, her safety, or maybe the fact that it cost more than double the other trips she’d been researching (that were happening at much more convenient times). But she kept moving forward. And somehow, one by one, all of those obstacles and more seemed to be overcome.

And just when it seemed she was in the clear, another hurdle came at her. She seriously injured herself surfing about 6 weeks before she was supposed to leave, and ended up with a gash in her leg that has stubbornly refused to heal. And it still isn’t closed, but she got the OK from her doctors and travel team to make the trip, and she’s counting down until takeoff Friday.

“When the walls fall all around you, when your hope has turned to dust. Let the sound of love surround you; beat like the heart in each of us.”

I can’t help but find the symbolism in Kelly’s stubborn wound and painfully long healing process. See, Love146 focuses very much on prevention and aftercare for victims. Their aftercare programs are truly amazing, and I’ve only heard a sliver of what they do. I can barely imagine the recovery required (if even possible) to heal the kind of wounds a survivor of sex trafficking and exploitation walks away with. The amount of time it must take; how hopeless it must seem at times; how disappointing it must be to check on progress and find that those wounds are still raw. They’re still open, and they’re healing very, very slowly.

But they’re healing.

Today Kelly shared with me a little bit about her agenda, and how she is ending her trip at the aftercare facility, where she will have the opportunity to attend the wedding of one of the young women rescued from slavery and healing through the aftercare program. Wow. Wrap your head around that for a second. Talk about healing. Talk about change. Talk about making the impossible possible. We are talking about a story that desperately needs to be told. Over and over. In central florida, throughout the US, and throughout the world.

With a bold mission like the abolition of child sex slavery (and nothing less). It will take a lot of voices. A lot of people standing up and shouting and raising awareness, action, and support. A lot of people like Kelly.

I am glad to call Kelly my friend for a lot of reasons. She is pretty stinking hilarious. She challenges my thinking A LOT. She is there to listen when I feel like I don’t know how to be a mom. She is always a blast to be around. But most of all, I am so extremely proud of what she is doing. She is living the things I talk and think about every day. She is stepping out and doing completely unreasonable things that no one expects of her, but she expects them of herself. Friends like that make you want to do the same. They challenge you when you say you can’t, and they show you how everything works out when you decide you can. Friends like that just make you…better.

Please join me in praying for Kelly and following her as she travels (on her blog). I’m sure this trip is only the beginning of what will happen as a result of Kelly’s decision.

“Won’t you stand up and use your voice?”

A Picture Perfect Thanksgiving

When I say I began preparations for Thanksgiving early, I mean really early. Like, within 5 minutes of realizing that 11 adults and 6 children would be joining us around the table for the festivities, I started putting my new dining room table to the test…pulling out the leaves, and trying to arrange 11 chairs around it. I bought the biggest tablecloth I could find. I bought placemats. I searched the basement for the 13 place settings of fine china we got for our wedding 8 years ago and only used once since. Honestly, I would’ve gone ahead and set the table weeks ago if I weren’t having a large group at my house the Sunday before. (It’s embarassing enough when people come over and see your house decked out for Christmas before Thanksgiving. I could not rationalize also having my table set for Thanksgiving 5 days in advance.)

In my defense, I have always wanted to host a big, nice holiday dinner but never had the space to do it. For years were were in our little apartment, then our townhouse with our small round glass table in the eat in kitchen. Last year we got the big dining room but had no table in it, nor did our family come to us for the holidays. Now that we’re in Syracuse, we are able to have both sides of our families together. My family lives local and we have enough room to house Brian’s family. Enter the Thanksgiving dinner party of my dreams. At long last I’d have the opportunity to channel my inner Martha Stewart and produce a tradition-worthy holiday.

We busted out the good china, we pulled in extra chairs, we planned, shopped, planned and shopped some more. We bought a 20 pound turkey, and when that turkey stunk up the garage fridge…and the rest of the garage, we got another one. We ironed table linens and wiped the dust off the fine china (ok, let’s be honest, I ironed the table linens and wiped the dust off the fine china…there is only so much domestication I can subject my husband to). We cooked as much as we could in advance, divvied up the cooking with our guests, and on Thanksgiving day, all systems were go. Things went relatively smoothly, except for the fact that our 22 lb turkey defied the laws of physics and took close to 5 hours to come up to temp. Fortunately the appetizers and spirits had been out for a couple of hours already so no one seemed to mind the delay (except for me, obviously).

It was an absolute blast…even before dinner started! How blessed we are to have such great families, immediate and extended, that we can all get together and have an enjoyable relaxing day together. And sitting down for the main event was no exception. So when everyone was finishing up dinner and my younger sister Caroline leaned over to me (repeatedly, despite my attempts to ignore her) and suggested we go around the table and say what we’re thankful for, I set into a bit of a panic. Everything had gone so well thus far…families blending…no awkwardness, and she wanted to put this occasion to the ultimate awkward test by “passing the mic” around this table of adults? Martha would not approve of such impromptu and unscripted holiday fun.

But when she ignored the fact that I was ignoring her and announced her idea to the entire table, I was pleasantly surprised (and bashfully put in my place). I will forever remember this Thanksgiving by the things said around that table. Everyone was honest, and transparent. We shared our joys and the blessings we had found in the midst of loss, sadness and unrest. We thanked each other for each other. We said the things that we often assume the people we love already know, but they so love hearing it. We learned more about the people we didn’t know that well, and we learned more about the people we thought we knew really well.

All in all, it was not planned, it was not prepared. It couldn’t be set up in advance, or purchased. I could not iron the wrinkles out of it, or wipe the dust off of it in preparation. But it was, without question, the most beautiful part of our picture perfect Thanksgiving day.

30

This morning I slept until 8:45. Avery left yesterday to spend a couple of days with Grammy and Poppa, so I had no 6:45 am wake-up call. As a sidenote, Avery’s wake-up call is very much that. More of a wake-up demand, actually. She literally yells from the other side of the house “Moooooooooooooooom…is it morning time yet? Mooooooooooooom…wake up and come get me” until I do.

With that obstacle to uninterrupted sleep, I still did not expect to stay asleep this late, but by some miracle, neither my bladder nor Posh’s woke me up early. So with no child to call me out of bed and begin requesting a breakfast buffet the moment her toes hit the floor, what am I to do on this rare peaceful morning?

Not sure how it happened, but here I am. It’s been months and people often ask me (not true, no one really asks anymore) why I stopped blogging. I never really knew why but I guess it’s just that I don’t make time for it. So since I’m sitting here, sipping coffee and relishing my unscheduled time, I will update anyone in the world who cares on what’s been going on with me.

First and foremost, I am just under 48 hours away from turning THIRTY. And guess what? I’m pretty pumped. Lucky for me, most of my friends, and my husband, are older than me, so I have the luxury of still feeling pretty young, relatively speaking (sorry guys, but its true!). I also live a very “old” life, so I’m welcoming thirty. Besides that, I met a woman last week who, when I told her I was about to celebrate a milestone birthday, was insistent that I was turning 21, and did not believe me when I told her the truth. I don’t know where this woman came from, but I love her.

I guess big milestone birthdays make you stand back and take a look at your life. When I do I like to look at it from the perspective of my younger self…say 16 year old Libby. My teenage self would obviously hope  and expect that I’d have found that special someone by now. Check! 8 years with my best friend, who still makes me laugh more than anyone else, and loves me despite AAAAAAAAALLLLLL my imperfections. Yup I did ok in that department.

Sweet sixteen Libby was surprisingly goal oriented, so I’m thinking she’d have expected that by now I’d be the next Katie Couric, or on the road thereto. Well that plan was revised early on, but in the career category I really couldn’t ask for more right now. Since my change in fields a few years ago, it’s been a rough road, but changes over the last year have put me in a position where I several times a day find myself thinking “I love my job.” I think that in itself is a success, to love what you do and feel that you’re doing a good job of it. So I think I earned a checkmark there.

My 16 year old self, in all her earthly wisdom, probably did not think much about kids, but I’m putting a huge checkmark in that category! Although her wake-up calls keep getting earlier, there is no sweeter face to wake up to every morning and put to sleep every night. There is nothing in this world that keeps me in check like the co-responsibility of teaching and training this sweet little life. My goodness I love that little girl.

I think one of the last things people in general want to have under their belt when they hit a milestone is some sense of purpose, or the feeling of being part of something bigger than they are. This past year has made me examine the meaning beneath this in a whole new way. When we were part of Northway Church it was so easy to put a checkmark in that category. Loving and investing in others was literally on my calendar every week. Now, my beliefs are the same, my desire to serve God by serving others is the same. The challenge is figuring out what exactly that looks like on a daily basis.

Yes, we have found a phenomenal church, and I’m thrilled to finally be getting involved in music there. But after 9 solid months of not being involved in any official volunteering capacity, I have been challenged like never before to live out my purpose on this earth in a completely non-organized fashion. And it has been so, so hard. Why? Because I have come to the conclusion that God’s purpose for my life is to break me down and teach me lessons that only He and I can judge if I’m learning. And they’re not the easy ones. Rather, I’m recognizing that I need to do the following: Be humble. Be unselfish. Love everyone around me, from the angry receptionist I encounter at work, to the almost 3 year old who wants to play checkers with me while I’m making dinner…and love them more than myself. The problem with these is I can’t put them on my schedule…they come at me without warning, often at the most inconvenient times, and my challenge and purpose is to respond the right way in that moment.

It’s so much harder to put a checkmark in this category, but recognizing where my purpose lies and what I’m supposed to be doing is probably half the battle…or at least a third! I recently heard Pastor Doug put this in such great perspective for me. He said that living life in Christ is not about attaining to a standard, or for me, passing all of these little tests that come at me every day. Rather, it’s recognizing the standard and that I can’t be expected to measure up perfectly, so I fall back on Him. Literally, I fall back and rest in Him, and I stay standing because I have a greater support system. Doug literally had someone up there catching his fall. He fell back in exhaustion, and almost to his surprise, someone caught him and held him up.

So in the purpose category, that image is in my head…me falling back and resting in Him. I would say that’s a very accurate image of how I find myself as I approach this milestone birthday. Perfect? Not even close. Striving? Yes. Failing? Mostly. But thank God I have a solid understanding of where I stand, and Who I fall on. And among the many, many, many things I’m grateful for, that is the foremost.

So when people ask me how I feel about this big birthday, I think they expect me to say something along the lines of “29 forever.” But truthfully, I can’t help but smile. Bring it on 30. Life is good…very good!

What’s Up?

Wow…it’s been a while since my last blog! We have made a lot of transitions lately and I wanted to take a minute to catch you guys up on what The Howe family has been up to!! We moved to Syracuse in January to be closer to our family! Lots of snow…but I love me some ‘Cuse basketball!!

I have been accepted into a Masters Program and I am excited to pursue a life long dream of continuing my education. My Masters degree will be an MA in Human Services  with a specialization in Executive Leadership. This degree will really help me in some areas that I know I can get better in as I move into what God has called me to do! I am preparing for what God has prepared for me! Libby is kicking butt in sales…she is so excited about her new job and has really excelled in the first few months. She actually just left for New Jersey for training for 2 weeks…pray for me…better yet pray for Avery

Speaking of Avery, she is continuing her world domination as the cutest kid on the planet!!

I know for many of you, our transition was a surprise. I also know that whenever there is a transition in leadership in any venue…the people who are hurt by the transition can sometimes jump to their own conclusion of why it happened. I want to help clear up any confusion you may have.

I have heard some people say that they thought  I was “forced” out or that I did not leave on my own account. Real clear here…that is the farthest thing from the truth. If you are spreading this rumor you are spreading a lie…just stating the truth

Simply put, I knew that my season at Northway Church was over. I felt God leading and calling me to something new. Out of loyalty to my God, my Pastor, and my Church, I made the decision that it was time for my family and I to move on to what God had for us next. I initiated a conversation with Pastor and the leadership of NC. They were very supportive and beyond accommodating and kind during the transition. I truly believe that they want what is best for me and my family.

For nearly 8 years I had the opportunity to do life with and learn from Pastor Buddy, I consider him a mentor, my Pastor, and my friend. I believe in him and his vision to reach the Northeast with the Good News of Jesus. I am a better husband, dad, and leader because of my time under Pastor Buddy’s leadership. I believe God is going to continue to use Northway Church to reach the Northeast for Jesus, and I believe the best days for Northway are still ahead of her.

My family and I are so excited for what the future holds for both us and our friends back at Northway Church!  If you had some questions about how we were doing, hopefully now you have some answers. I want to encourage you, if you have questions regarding Northway Church please bring them to the leadership there. That is the biblical thing to do. I know first hand how much they love you and would love to answer any questions you may have.

We miss and are so thankful for our Northway family. Even though life has taken us on a different path in our Journey, we will be watching and cheering you on and I know you will be cheering us on as well!!

Family Time

This weekend’s showings have provided us with an abundance of family time. We pile in the car (Posh too) with no particular place to go, and no hurry to get there. Today’s second showing of the day landed us at Esperanto for lunch, where an unforgettable family memory was made…Brian teaching Avery how to eat pizza “like a big girl” (folded in half of course). It took a little practice, but eventually she got the hang of it

Aaaaaah, pizza like a pro. Let the feast begin…

Heading to Haiti

This June I (Brian) have the opportunity to travel to Haiti and be a part of the country’s rebuilding…quite literally. Many experts have said that Haiti’s fragile future lies in the hands of its youth, who will ultimately determine their success or failure in rebuilding a stable country. Among the many affected youth in Haiti are 62 young orphans, whose orphanage was leveled as a result of the recent earthquake.

Through the Foundation for Children in Need, I will be traveling with a group of people to help reconstruct this orphanage. Currently, these 62 children are living under tents and eating, at best, one meal a day of rice and beans. Many of them have not been held in weeks, unless by eachother. In addition to construction, we will be bringing much needed food, water, diapers, and supplies to the orphanage, as well as playing with and loving these children.

My personal goal is not only to raise the funds to cover my trip, but to raise additional funds to help sustain the 62 children living in this orphanage. $93 provides one day of food, diapers, personal care and cleaning supplies for the entire orphanage.

You can donate by mailing a check made out to Brian Howe with “Haiti” in the memo. You can also donate online by visiting FFCIN’s donation page, then under Volunteer Program, choose “Brian Howe” from the drop down list, and click “Make A Donation.” Libby’s name is still listed as we originally planned on taking this trip together, but her new job prevents her from coming, so please make any donations under my name.

Thank you so much for partnering with me, and making a lasting investment in the future of these children.

Brian Howe